I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
