No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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