Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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