I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
