Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
