I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
