Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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