i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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