I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
