i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
