my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
