I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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