I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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