How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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