Can i not drive my cunt home
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
