I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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