McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
