He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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