Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
