It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
