I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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