I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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