As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We smell like vodka and hangover
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