dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
