Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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