Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
