Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
