saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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