I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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