roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
