Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
