i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
