Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
