I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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