i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
