Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
