why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
