I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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