Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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