two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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