it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
