HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
