I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
