**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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