Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
