I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
