No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
