Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
