i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
