I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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