my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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