I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
last night I used snow as a chaser
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
