Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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