All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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